guess who’s back…
Man, nothing like a failed attempt to start a webcomic to make you lose interest in your blog for about a year.
Anyway, to catch people up to speed, I’ve been unemployed for a year now, and I’d like to say that the search is starting to get dire, but, to be honest, my benefits keep on being extended time and time again (at the moment I’m set for at least another 8 months), so the constant lack of attention my resume seems to be garnering from legitimate employers has left me in a state that has been downgraded from “ulcer inducingly stressful” to just “depressing” (It is worth noting that ulcers are not, in point of fact, caused by stress as was once commonly believed, but rather a nasty little bacteria called helicobacter pylori, or, as was the case when I had them, the mixing of high doses of advil and PBR 40s).
So, as mind numbingly boring as this whole jobless thing can be, at least I don’t have any immediate justifiable fear of going hungry or homeless.
I had promised myself that I would try and get something productive done during this period of time, and resolved that I would try to start writing more, but each attempt has been met with varying degrees of failure.
The webcomic lasted all of 7 comics before I lost interest, and I’ve got several half assed story ideas that I pick away at occasionally, adding a few sentences here and there, but when it really comes down to it, the only writing I manage to do with any real frequency is the writing of cover letters for the jobs I’ve been applying to. And as it has become more and more obvious that I’m just getting lost in the shuffle of the hundreds of other applicants, I’ve started to get less and less professional with the content of my cover letters, the most recent of which I’ve included below.
To whom it may concern:
My name is Thomas Caster, and I came across your posting for a WorkSource Specialist 3 while browsing through your employment website. I am very interested as my background would make me an excellent candidate for the position.
My most recent role was working as a recruiting assistant for a staffing firm, a skill set that I feel is directly relatable to the functions I would be performing if chosen. During my tenure at KForce, I consistently managed to obtain an above average number of placements and assists for someone in my position, and policies that I was instrumental in implementing resulted in a nearly 83% yearly decrease in the number of in-office velociraptor attacks.
In addition, I also have an extensive background in customer service and support.
Attached is my resume for your perusal. I look forward to speaking with your further about the position.
February 11th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Hey tom- stumbled across your blog today while eating lunch and laughed my ass off at the cover letter. I hadn’t really read anything else on the blog so I had the impression it was a serious letter, and I thought it was very well written, and had a double take before I shit my pants laughing. Good work. I have always hated applying for jobs online b/c of all the other crap that looks exactly the same as what I spent countless hours obsessing over. And was that Jake Farley’s voice I heard in the dating advice video?